CAUTION: SPOILERS for this episode of HBC, and also for Spring Baking Championship season 11.

“…legs up, booty out, it’s gonna be real naughty, I’m gonna be like, ‘sorry, Santa’…” – Nico, describing his design for his cake in the Main Heat

“Oh how the mighty fall!” – Nico, smirking and looking on as Charles scrambled to finish in the Preheat

Needless to say, Nico continues to crack me up every time he’s on the screen. “Little shit,” my husband called him, in the same tone that he used to use when teasing our little pet dog; indeed, Nico reminds me of a little yappy chihuahua that you just want to carry around in your purse. He definitely belongs on the “naughty” team; however, at the same time, it’s obvious that, out of everyone on his team, he has the most team spirit and is the most willing to cooperate, so could have done just as well on the Nice team.

Once again, this episode was a lot, and once again, I have a lot of thoughts.

There was some drama this episode! And some public displays of emotion! How different this show is from GBBO. We Americans, we like it big and flashy, messy, goopy, and loud. But anyway, pour yourself some tea and take a seat and let’s talk about the drama:

Nico vs. Alyx. Both made entremets in the Preheat, and both did really well, but Nico’s did a bit better. Then, in the Main Heat, they were each their respective team’s MVPs – stout cake with amaretto cherries vs. chocolatey baked Alaska – but this time, Alyx came out on top.

Daniel vs. Ashleigh in the Preheat. This was actually upsetting! Poor Daniel! He had this cute plan to make two gingerbread men to top his cherry Old Fashioned cake. But then he realized that basically everyone on his team was doing gingerbread man toppings; specifically, Ashleigh was doing pretty much the exact same duo of gingerbread men that he (Daniel) had been planning to do. Wanting to stand out, Daniel decided to change his decoration plans – and, to be really passive-aggressive towards Ashleigh for the rest of the episode, lol. “You doing okay over there?” she asked him during the bake. “I’m working,” he replied, in that taut pitch that was, actually, mildly triggering, if you grew up around a lot of passive aggression, am I right?! Lol. And then after the judging, when Ashleigh didn’t do so well and she was venting to her team in the cafe about the pressure of already being on a pedestal and having to meet or exceed her own standard every time, and how it just gets harder and harder, and Daniel was like: “yeah, that’s what happens, in a competition,” lol excuse me?! I think maybe he was actually just genuinely being nice, but after the drama between them I definitely read this as petty and angry. Personally, I really think Daniel should have just kept his gingerbread men design. Clearly there’s nothing wrong with two contestants doing the same thing; it actually makes things more interesting sometimes (see: Nico vs. Alyx, Ashleigh vs. Chase).

Ashleigh vs. Charles in the Preheat: I could not believe my eyes! Charles was actually in a rush to finish, and his teammate Ashleigh – who, I guess, learned from last episode that their team has to cooperate a bit better if they want to succeed – actually came over to help him. Which was super cool of her! But Charles did not look happy about being helped by her at all. He had literally just got done saying that he wants to dethrone her! And now here he is begrudgingly accepting her help because what other choice does he have! He hated this! And you’d think that this would have humbled him a bit, but no; if anything, he was more bitter and isolationist than ever, in the Main Heat. Come on, Charles! You’re still my favorite, and I still love the arrogance and competitiveness, but the plain old bad attitude is not a good look.

Ashleigh vs. Chase in the Main Heat: can you believe Ashleigh had the gall to make a chess pie after Chase’s did so well last episode?! The judges just said that his had the best crust they’d ever tasted, and Ashleigh hears that and decides it’s time to try and one-up him?! What on earth was she thinking? Chase, who typically seems very gentle and mellow and kind-hearted, was muttering about this to his teammates, and seemed a bit miffed! Ashleigh’s red velvet chess pie looked beautiful and it did well, but not as well as Chase’s; her crust was “a bit sandy.”

Alyx vs. Camrey in the Preheat: Okay, this pissed me off a bit. Alyx’s entremet ornament, as beautiful as it looked, was a bit melty. When the judges asked her what happened, Alyx didn’t hesitate to mention that she’d been helping her teammate (Camrey) finish, and thus hadn’t gotten to stick her own stuff in the freezer to set. Way to throw poor Camrey under the bus! What happened to Miss Team Spirit, where did she go? For one, all she had to say was “I was rushed,” “I was short on time;” it was her decision to help Camrey, after all. Don’t make yourself a martyr. For two, it wouldn’t have taken but a second for her to run to the freezer and back and still help Camrey, so she could have done both. I felt really bad for Camrey, who was clearly already wracked with guilt, and Alyx’s little unnecessary comment really rubbed it in her face. To be fair, maybe she just felt put on the spot while standing there being judged, and perhaps lost control of what she was saying; I do that kind of dumb thing all the time, so if that’s the case I feel for her.

And then, the sob stories:

Chase. Playing the Dead Grandparent card! It worked out for him, though. That lime angel food cake did incredibly well. “Make it a little fair for everyone else,” the judges told him; “no notes!” Kardea, being the sweetest judge and just a delightfully warm and loving individual with a beautiful soul, is typically the one to get the contestants to open up about their little feelings, and this time was no different. Chase at least seemed to really appreciate her “guardian angel” comment, and embarrassing as it was, it was really sweet and heartwarming; although, don’t even get me started on the terrible angelology of the whole “your dead grandma becomes your guardian angel” idea, lol.

Jean Carlos. Is it just me, or did the show pull yet another merciless dick move, humiliating Jean Carlos right after prodding him to bare his soul on camera?! Like, come out here and cry for us on TV and tell us all about your innermost feelings of loneliness and isolation, then stand there and watch us call you out for not being a native English speaker and misunderstanding the details of the instructions. Brutal! Harsh! And kind of irritating. His petit gateaus were beautiful, quite possibly one of the best bakes this episode; do we really think it was worth disqualifying him because he didn’t include cherry or lime flavors?! Maybe so, but they could have at least offered a kind word about what he did do well. They acted like his whole dessert was shit just because it didn’t have these two flavors, disregarding the fact that it was a masterpiece that sounded delicious. To be honest, this reminded me a bit of Paul from last season of Spring Baking. Being French, and not a native English speaker, it seemed at times that Paul didn’t quite understand the details of a challenge, and suffered for it in ways that I didn’t feel were completely fair. I wish they’d had a bit more sympathy for Jean Carlos, and acknowledged that those blood orange petit gateaus were amazing.

I must say, I did not agree with their judgment of the décor on Charles’s preheat. Why were they so mad about it?! How did it not come across?! It was a coconut cocktail flavored pie, so he made a little sunbathing lady to lie on top of it; it’s not that complicated?! I thought the judges came down unnecessarily hard on this. What was not to understand? How could you not get the joke? Why was Nancy getting all technical about “coconut bras have straps”? Does that really matter, in a stylized pie topper? What was the point? I thought he nailed it with the design! I’m starting to think this was a case of the judges being hard on him because he’s so much better than the others. What were your thoughts on this one?

Gotta love sweet Erin the Mom, unable to shake her “mom” identity even for a second (I wonder how she feels about that). In the very beginning of the show when they were all enjoying their little warm-up beverages, Jesse looks at her and goes “Mama needs her juice, right, Erin?” (some kind of “wine mom” joke, I guess, which, don’t get me started on that, either) to which Erin sassily fired back “We used to make this in a bathtub, Jesse.” Reminding us all that she hasn’t always been just Mom, lol. My heart did very much go out to her when she went into the pantry for some ingredient and was suddenly overcome by Mom Brain and completely forgot what she was doing. Most relatable moment ever! Then she came back and her whipped cream had broken; devastating. Her pavlova-turned-Eton Mess was probably one of the worst desserts this episode, unfortunately; it could have been so lovely. Luckily for her, she was on the winning team, so immune to elimination.

Poor little Tarek! Bottom two twice in a row now. I thought his “broken ornament” Irish cream puffs (or would it be more correct to say “Irish cream cream puffs”? Hmm…) looked and sounded amazing, and his pistachio-blueberry dacquoise cakes did too; unfortunately, the judges just weren’t that into the flavors on either of them. Do we think he will bring it back? He says he’s “so tired” of being in the bottom, and I do feel bad for him… but at the same time, it’s like, you’re 19 and going to Yale, you’ve obviously got money and your whole life ahead of you, you’ll be just fine, lol.

And poor Daniel. I guess it was a fair elimination, considering – but still, it made me sad. It wasn’t that he didn’t include any meringue; the meringue just melted into the rest of his dessert. Still, that bread pudding sounded absolutely decadent – and the judges seemed to think his dessert tasted better than Tarek’s. I guess meeting the criteria is generally more important that producing a delicious dessert, unfortunately. It was sad that he got sent home right after revealing that he’s a single dad who wants to take his daughters on a vacation. I hope they still get to go!

I do think that Alyx’s victory was well-deserved. That baked Alaska was in a league of its own! And the tension as we waited to see if it was going to slice cleanly, lol. Wow!

Poor Charles was not happy that he didn’t win. I love him, but he is a little bit of a sore loser, isn’t he! His hazelnut-cherry nougat candy bars did look amazing, and I was pretty sure he had a strong chance of winning, until I saw what Alyx had made. It didn’t get any superlatives from the judges (“this is the best ever xyz on this show!”, etc.), but tbh it probably deserved one. Is Alyx possibly emerging as a potential finalist? Will the Naughty Team survive with only four members? And will they ever figure out this “teamwork” stuff? Will Charles ever chill out? What do we think? Leave me your comments!

Superlatives from the judges: 0 (running total: 1)

Judge says “remember, you’re on Holiday Baking Championship”: 0 (running total: 1)

Nancy says “bite of food”: ½ (she said “I can’t wait for this bite”) (running total: ½)

High point: Nico peeking around the door on his way out for the Preheat judging. I swear, he’s like an anime character come to life.

Low point: Tarek asking Charles for help tasting something, and Charles just straight up ignoring him?! What the helly?! Poor little Tarek goes “oh okay, I guess you’re busy” and walks off. Charles, come on now, I love the cockiness, but you can’t just be a complete dick on the Holiday Baking Championship. I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he really was simply too busy and focused and didn’t hear Tarek asking for help.

The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Violet’s fig-lemon-honey-goat cheese pavlovas. You all know that I love figs, and I love that Violet loves them too. On that note, Nico’s “figgy mule” snowball entremet sounded awesome, too, but as you know I don’t do booze so unfortunately that one’s a no from me. Which one would you choose?